Some songs are not only about what happened.
They are about what you understand years later.
Poison In My Veins came from one of the deepest heartbreaks I ever carried, but the older I get, the more I realize the heartbreak was only one layer of it. Underneath the loss was something bigger: a lifetime of not fully understanding myself, and not being fully understood by the people around me.
I was diagnosed later in life with autism and ADHD. Alongside that came OCD, PTSD, severe anxiety, depression, and years of mental health struggles that shaped how I processed love, pain, conflict, silence, fear, and rejection. Before I had that understanding, I did not have the words to explain what was happening inside me.
I only knew that I felt too much.
I knew I could get overwhelmed.
I knew I could shut down.
I knew I could hold pain for years.
I knew I had things inside me that I could not get out correctly.
But I did not know why.
Looking back now, through diagnosis and treatment, I can see how much of my life was spent trying to survive without a map of my own mind. That affected everything. It affected how I loved. It affected how I communicated. It affected how I reacted when I was hurt. It affected how people saw me, and it affected how alone I felt when I could not explain myself.
That is part of what lives inside Poison In My Veins.
The song connects to losing someone I loved and losing the future I thought I was building. It also connects to the pain of watching that love move somewhere else, into the arms of someone I once trusted. At the time, that felt like betrayal, humiliation, and abandonment all wrapped together.
But years later, I can see another part of the truth too.
I do not think she ever fully understood who I was.
I do not think I fully understood who I was either.
That does not erase the pain. It does not make the betrayal feel clean. It does not undo what happened. But it helps me understand why everything felt so impossible to explain back then.
When a person spends their life undiagnosed and untreated, they can become trapped inside themselves. They may love deeply but express it unevenly. They may feel everything but struggle to say it clearly. They may appear angry when they are actually overwhelmed. They may appear distant when they are actually shutting down. They may seem impossible to understand because they do not yet understand themselves.
That is the poison.
The poison is not just one person.
The poison is not just one breakup.
The poison is not just betrayal.
The poison is years of pain with nowhere to go.
Poison In My Veins is me finally giving that pain somewhere to go.
It is not written to attack anyone. It is not written to reopen old wounds with names attached. It is not revenge. It is a confession from the part of me that spent years carrying grief, confusion, shame, love, rage, and unanswered questions inside my body.
OffKeyVibes exists because I am finally learning how to speak.
Moth Scott is the voice that gets to say what I could not say back then.
Poison In My Veins is not about staying poisoned.
It is about realizing what the poison was, where it came from, and how to start bleeding it out through sound.
- Moth Scott, OffKeyVibes